True Love Is The Journey
True Love
How do you love someone when the relationship isn’t what you desire? This question has lingered with me for 15 years. My journey has taught me a key lesson: it’s about you. Do your best in each moment without judging yourself based on where you’ve been.
He ended our romantic relationship, asking for friendship, but I was still deeply in love. Living in different cities, our interactions ranged from casual conversations to occasional visits. Though we called it a friendship, the chemistry—the mental and emotional intimacy—left me questioning everything. It wasn’t platonic, despite the lack of physical intimacy.
Why wasn’t I enough for him? I tried to prove my worth—but to whom? To him, who was rarely there? Or to myself? This relationship became a mirror, and over time, I began to believe I was enough.
In 2020, during a year of global disconnection, we reconnected. That fall, we spent four months casually together. I allowed physical intimacy, trusting the person I had become. For 11 years, I had avoided it, knowing it wouldn’t serve me. But now, I trusted myself to simply be and flow with the experience.
I allowed myself to be vulnerable, trusting that if we were meant to be, we would be—and if not, we wouldn’t. Somehow, we kept finding our way back to each other, so I decided to step aside and trust. Then, the same old conversation resurfaced. I felt disappointment but also acceptance—of him, of myself, and of what was.
Three years later, we reconnected again. He stayed with me a few times while passing through town, just as friends. For the first time, I felt balanced—able to enjoy his company without wanting more. I no longer needed to protect myself by cutting him out. I could truly be friends.
This past holiday season, we spent time together and, though unplanned, became intimate again. I realized I no longer needed rules to guide me. I had done the work to love myself and could simply be in the moment. Driving home on New Year’s Day, the familiar feeling of emotional shutdown—both his and mine—crept in. But this time, mine didn’t last.
I realized that part of me still held on to the idea of us—and I chose to let that be okay, instead of forcing myself to stop. Something is holding us back—and instead of trying to figure out why, I’m trusting it.
With this self-honesty and trust, I heard my soft, inner voice gently suggest: "Let the reality be the magic, not the fantasy." Wow, my higher self really knows how to say it when I’m ready to accept it. That was profound.
Weeks later, I find myself focusing on being present, not getting caught up in “the story.” I’ve realized that the challenges and emotions I face aren’t external forces coming at me—they’re reflections of my perception of the experience rather than the reality of the situation. Letting go isn’t always about walking away; sometimes, it’s about staying present and allowing things to unfold. And sometimes, it’s a blend of both—knowing when to stay and when to walk away with grace.
While I still desire a committed romantic relationship with someone who shares that desire, I’m learning that love can take many forms depending on how you choose to view it. Maybe this journey is true love. It doesn’t look like what society tells me it should, and part of my struggle was believing it needed to. True love might simply be about embracing each experience and connection, letting it unfold naturally.
And the cherry on top? I’ve recently found myself energetically saying yes to someone else—turns out, that someone is me.
Sincerely Searching💓